Don't give up on me

For health reasons I will not be posting for a while.

Don't give up on me.  I hope to return.

Wonder

Wonder is our prayer word for the month of September which is just about to slip into October.  In his many beautiful words Thomas Merton once wrote,

“Some people never see a tree

 until they are ready to saw it down.”

You are a creature of wonder.  You are a poet.  You are a poet not because of what you write but because of how you see.  Not everyone has discovered the hidden poet in their souls.  In the following reflection I am offering you some images that will hopefully draw forth the poet in your soul.   Where do poems live?  How well do you see?    Bring forth your receiving eyes.  Come forward with a seeing heart.  Listen carefully, and you will hear a quiet voice murmuring:  May I have your attention please?  We will never be people of wonder until we learn to pay attention.

Where do poems live?

In the early morning hours

---they fly through the sky singing.

They ride on the rays of the sun

---and breathe open the sleeping buds.

They fall from the sky

---in a thousand tiny raindrops.

They dance in sunlight

---on shining waters.

They sing through the darkness

---of the star studded night sky.

They flash forth lightening

---from dark, stormy places.

In tall swaying poplars

---they build their nests.

They rise up like blessings

---in the steam from your coffee

They gaze in your window

---from snow covered branches.

Where do poems live?

In new budding leaves

---and in dying foliage

In all that is blossoming

---and in all that is withering,

At birth and at death

---between birth and death.

Wherever you go

---they are waiting to greet you.

When you return home

--they meet you at the gate

Wherever you stand

---they stand beside you

Persistently they call out

“May I have your attention please!”

                        

                       ©Macrina Wiederkehr

      

And what about you?  

      Where do poems live in your life?

It is there you will find the gift of WONDER.

--

Solitude

SOLITUDE 

I just turned the page of my 2014 calendar and drank in the new word that is to be the theme for this month.  My word to live for the month of September is   WONDER and I am in dire need of sitting in its shade.   But then I remembered that I hadn't written about my August word yet so I turned the calendar back to August and gazed at the word SOLITUDE.  

The picture for the month depicts my friend and sister in community sitting in a lovely outdoor dwelling with a cup in her hand, presumably coffee, and I ask myself, "does this really depict deep solitude?"  What would need to go to truly depict solitude?  Probably the cup and the caffeine!   But let's not get hung up on semantics.  This is just my take one it.

Recently I saw a lovely outdoor scene with a woman lying on a diving board reading a book.  The caption was:  SOLITUDE!   I found myself saying, “wrong!”    Throw the book in the lake.  Get off the diving board.  

So truly, what is solitude?  Are you afraid of it?  Do you find it healing?  When you are in solitude, do you look for distractions?  Or, do you slowly begin to taste the sweetness of solitude?  I believe that can happen only after we learn to be comfortable with the gift of stillness and silence.    When I truly learn how to be alone by choice—how to embrace solitude as friend, I slowly cease looking for distractions.  I learn to melt into being.  I begin to be comfortable in being with the self that is me.

In looking at the word solitude I see a relation to the word latitude.   The sol of solitude suggests aloneness which also points to space, the space around us and even within us.  The word, latitude, points to space: geographical space, universal space:  the breadth, width, size of something.   Why not personal space?  Although I have not taken the time to look this up entomologically I can see a kinship.   And so when I use St. Paul’s beautiful words from Ephesians 3: 16-19  I find myself being moved into solitude.  The space around me seems to grow larger and I find myself move into a greater stillness.

The more I practice this kind of solitude alone, the more I will discover that when I am with a group of people some of that  space around me lingers and it is easier for me to remain calm in troubling situations.

Out of his infinite glory, 

may you be given the power,

through his Spirit, 

for your hidden self to grow strong,

so that Christ may live in your hearts 

through faith, and then,

 planted in love and built on love, 

you will with all the saints

have strength to grasp the 

breadth and the length, 

the height and the depth; 

until knowing the love of Christ, 

which is beyond all knowledge,

you are filled with the utter fullness of God.

Ephesians 3: 16-19—Jerusalem Translation

Find a space alone and ask yourself,  What is the latitude of my heart!

Tracking the Mystery

OOPS--July is gone 

...and I never got around to writing about my word for that month. 

 The word was MYSTERY!    

My neglect in writing did not prevent me 

from attempting to dwell in the heart of mystery.  

July is my birth month.  

Truly it was a mixture of birth/death, wounds/healing, doubt/faith,

hope/discouragement and more.

  I've always loved mystery stories.  

The greatest of all mysteries is the story of one’s life. 

In this month of my birth I prayed with the mystery of my life. 

The symbol I used for my prayer was a path, call it what you will: a road, a trail, a track or footpath.  The path I chose at the beginning of July was one that led into a forest.  It reminded me of the path I used to take through the forest of our old  homestead in Arkansas to my Aunt Annie’s house.

On a pathway there is mystery.  You can’t always see what’s behind the next tree.  Nor can you detect the animal sounds in the forest.  Is it friendly?  Is it harmful?  For some reason, in those young years of my life, I was seldom afraid of the path through the woods.  It was mysterious yet strangely known, kind of like God.

As I moved into the month of July it occurred to me that it might be fun to take a different path every few days and re-experience some of the mystery stories of my life.  There was

•  the hillside trail leading from the valley where I lived, up the hill and through the woods that led to St. Mary’s Church and School
• the path around Lake Fort Smith that I miss now that the new lake has been created
• a path from the Quiet House at Laity Lodge (Kerrville TX) to the upper rim of the canyon where I  could watch sunrises and sunsets 
• an unforgettable green moss trail in the Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina (Maggie Valley)
• the winding labyrinth path on the grounds of St. Scholastica Monastery, Fort Smith, Arkansas
• the path through the vineyards of Altus, Arkansas that I traveled with my brother, praying the rosary, when my little sister was dying
• the deer trail through the forest surrounding San Damiano Retreat in Danville, CA
• the little country roads where I could walk through farmlands in Canterbury, NZ viewing the amazing pastures of sheep
• the walking trail around St.Mary's Lake (Notre Dame campus) July of 1997 when I feared I might have cancer.  I'll always recall those morning walks filled with both angst and therapeutic beauty
• the forest trails at Jamberoo Abbey (New South Wales) quietly trekking through the woods at dusk looking for wombats. (never saw one)
• and then there are those inner trails that run through the path of my heart and soul nudging me into creativity, exploration, continual growth.   I am always tracking the mystery.
• In between all the trails of my life I have never forgotten that Christ is my way!

      Many paths of memory!  Each path holds a mystery story of my life!  I could pray a trail for the rest of my life and never be finished reading the pages of my life.   I want to allow the holy-healing mystery of life to continue its journey flowing through me like a stream or bubbling brook.  The quiet trails are like gentle streams.  The rushing brook is full of obstacles and yet as the poet, Wendell Berry, explains, It's the obstacles that help make the music.  I want my life to remain a song.  

O Beautiful Mystery 
Where is the life that once held me
 in its sometimes gentle, sometimes terrible grasp?
That life lives on; I am every age I've ever been!
How easy it is to forget as I walk through the day
that I carry within me layers of life, layers of ages.
My life is a mystery story still unfolding
It is a good life full of joys and sorrows,
promises kept, promises broken
memories and forgetfulness.
O God of so much mystery
Continue to dwell in the layers of my life.
Be my way when I lose the way.

May it come to pass!

• 
  

Get Well

I am in the infirmary, an effort to take better care of my broken foot so it can heal.  This infirmary room is slowly becoming a monk cell for me.  I am a bit more confined and so I am less tempted to pace.  It has become a sacred space for healing  I keep staring at the helium balloon that hangs from my ceiling, “Get Well,” it says.  It sounds like a very simple request, a kind wish from a good friend.  Little did she realize what metaphysical ponderings this get-well-wish would work in me!

What does it mean to get well?  There are times when I am not actually sick yet need to get well.  At the moment, yes, my foot needs to heal.  However I can think of numerous ways I need to get well.

·        When my attitude limps and I start feeling sorry for myself I need to get well

·        When I find myself complaining about every little thing,  I need to get well

·        When I get so busy I forget to take time for solitude and prayer, I need to get well

·        When I let  grudges reign in my heart,  I need to get well

·        When I find myself critical and impatient with others, I need to get well

·        When I bring only half a heart to my daily living, I need to get well

·        When I find myself disgustingly self-righteous, I need to get well

·        When what I own becomes more important than the people I live with, I need to get well

·        When I spend more time judging others than affirming them I need to get well...

The list could go on and on.  I could write until tomorrow.  I write these things not to be overly critical of myself but rather as a gentle reminder that there are ways I am not living up to my full potential.  Since I would like to be the best version of myself that I can be, these words are a way of prayer.  

The mystical poet Rumi affirms our goodness when he says:   “If you knew yourself for even one moment!  If you could glimpse your beautiful soul!  Maybe you wouldn't slumber so deeply in that house of clay.  Why not move into your house of joy and shine into every crevice?  You are a treasure; and always have been.”  

DIDN'T YOU KNOW?

It’s the same message St. Paul gives us in 1 Cor 3:16:

 Do you not know that you are a temple of God

 and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?

And so, all of you beautiful (though sometimes weary) temples, I invite you to

Compassion for What is Broken

"Moved with compassion, 

Jesus touched their eyes 

and immediately they could see." 

 Mt 20: 34

...if eyes can be healed, why not a foot?...

The month of June comes upon us  with the  word compassion trailing along in its wake.   The theme I've chosen for this month is compassion.  Everywhere I turn, everywhere I look, I see opportunities for compassion.  Right now I’m looking very close—as close as my own foot.  It’s this big black boot I have to tote around with me.  It’s the foot inside that I am showering with compassion.  Poor innocent foot that suffered trauma in an unfortunate car accident!

So here I am unexpectedly slowed down with the same amount of work to do.  I, who, teach the way of contemplation to others, find myself being invited to listen to my own words. The turtle that sits beside my foot in the picture wasn't staged.  It really is there--my night light inviting me to stop and rest.  It has even greater meaning now.

Life will go on even if I have to cancel a few retreats.  Life will go on even if I have change part of my plans for vacation. (no hiking)  Life will go on if I can’t be at all community functions.  At this moment I am called to care for my right foot…this foot that I haven taken for granted, this foot that I have forgotten to be (consciously) grateful for.  Now I totally understand St. Paul’s lovely analogy of the physical body and the Body of Christ… (1Cor12:12-26)  If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand I do not belong to the body, “would it not then belong to the body?  “…if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it.”  HOW TRUE IT IS!   When I take my boot off at night I am drawn to pray with it, to thank it for the healing that is happening, to ask its pardon for taking it for granted, to massage it gently and put lotion on it.  It is quite sacramental. I am being drawn into compassionate presence.  Although it is unfortunate that something violent had to happen in order for compassionate presence to come on stage, that is often the case in our lives.  Sometimes we are jarred into reflection.  I've been spending many moments in contemplation and gratitude recently.  Everything can become a teacher if we open our hearts to what is in front of us.

As a child June was one of my favorite months, freed from school I spent many hours with my feet in the waters of the creek that ran through our forest, catching crawdads, watching the minnows, listening to life.  And this banged up foot:  it was young then but it was there---feeling the waters rush over it.

O Christ of the Healing Waters, 

restore and heal 

all things in the world that are broken.

E is for...

E is for ENTHUSIASM!  That is the word I chose as my theme for the month of May.  E is also for EARTH and that is the hermitage I stayed in for four days after leading a retreat near Philadelphia.  Settling into my hermitage and into the solitude I had so longed for I was pleased to discover that I was in Hermitage E. E is also for eager, energy, ear, eye, ecstasy, express, elusive, enfold, enter, ethereal, and evening: all words I decided I would include, in some way, in my prayer.

E is for ENTHUSIASM.  In my first prayer period I focused on the fact that enthusiasm means literally to be possessed by God.  God-possession!  To be zealous and inspired!  To have passion for life!  To be exuberant!   Animated!   Alive and Breathing! Moving with the life inside me!  In the gospel of John, chapter 10, verse 2 Jesus proclaims: "I have come that you may have life and have it in abundance."   Abundant Life, another lovely definition of enthusiasm.

Of course we don't always experience that flowing energy within.  We don't necessarily wake up feeling enthusiastic and passionate about the new day.   I wonder if our days might be different if upon rising we would sit down for a few moments, lay a hand on the heart, honoring the God who lives within. Spend a little time owning the Abundant Life given to us by the Source of all life.  Each of us is able to decide who we are going to be in any given day.

E is for ENTHUSIASM!  Somewhere inside you is a joy that is wanting to get out.  Introduce it to the world. Let it show!

      O Source of All Life,  Is my abundant life that has come from you truly showing?  Is it obvious to those with whom I live and work?  Am I allowing it to be the radiant song of joy that you want to sing through me?  Am I able to remember that every time I breathe, it is you I am breathing into our world?  Does anyone suspect, when they see my enthusiasm for life, that it is because of You I exude this life?  And if my answer to these questions is, "probably not," help me remember, there is always tomorrow.  My life goes on into the eternal flow of You.

Are we called to be SURPRISES?

Surprises are endless so always be ready for your day to be interrupted with a surprise.  When you open the door there is no telling what might greet you.  It may be a piece of beauty that takes your breath away.  It could, however, be a surprise of another kind.  It could be the surprise of someone who needs help, or someone bearing a message of sorrow.   This might require your presence, thus you could have the good fortune (that might not feel like good fortunate at the moment)  of being a surprise for the the person at your door.

It could be the surprise of an unexpected car accident as I somehow celebrated this week.  Having my  foot elevated and surrounded by ice-packs was not on my agenda but finding myself still alive was an awesome surprise.

One of the best pieces of advice I have for us is a quote that I am trying to piece together from a Brazilian Archbishop whom some of you may remember from days gone by.

"Accept surprises that upset your plans, shatter your dreams,  and give a completely different twist to your day, and ~~who knows?~~ to your life.  It is not chance.  Leave God free to weave the pattern of your days." -Dom Helder Camara

These words certainly echo an amazing piece of advice from our beloved Heni Nouwen,

 "Turn your interruptions into opportunities."

Maybe Jesus didn't just call us to be  DISCIPLES.  Perhaps he also calls us to be SURPRISES.

Can you allow yourself to find a surprise 

behind every door?

Are you open to surprise?

Your word for April is  SURPRISE

Go on and pull open the curtain. I know you've seen hundreds of sunrises (or sunsets) but you never know what the next one will be like.  It is always a surprise for the one who wears an open heart and can let go of the assumption that you know what is behind the curtain.  I once called out to someone with a fair amount of excitement in my voice saying,  "Quick, come look at the rising moon!" She answered, "I saw it last night."  So did she really see it last night?   I doubt it.  She saw something in the sky, perhaps, but I doubt that it took hold of her in a healthy, healing kind of way if she wasn't willing to look again, to behold it anew.

The word, SURPRISE, has many meanings and my favorite meaning is, "TAKEN FROM ABOVE."  You are so  filled with amazement and delight that something above you, outside of you, beyond your power, takes hold of you.  Something outside of yourself grasps you and invites you to be a seer. You are taken from above and given a new vision of one particular slice of life.  A presence that you can't explain pulls back the curtain and some kind of revelation takes place.

By choice, and practice, we can live as though we are standing before what the Christian Celts call the thin places--those places that are so sacred, could you but draw the veil aside you would see the face of God. Perhaps every surprise is like that.  Although it may happen quite naturally yet unexpectedly, you are invited with each surprise to be a seer.

It is not easy to be a seer.  You have to surrender the lie that you don't have time.  'Looking' is not the same as 'seeing'.  One early morning a few years ago I almost walked past a surprise.  It was a moon flower just opening its face to the dawn.  I looked at it and almost passed by.  But suddenly I was taken from above.  I paused and took it in.  I became its tenant (though it paid no rent).  I beheld it and offered it hospitality.

How easy it is to pass by a surprise because we think we've already seen it!

Most of all we ought to be careful lest we miss the surprise of one another.  Every person is a jewel, a beauty never to be repeated.  We think we know the person we are having coffee with but do we really?  How do we open ourselves to the surprise of another person?  April is almost over and I'm sure you had many surprises.  Why not sit down and ponder a few of your surprises!  Or, maybe even just the surprises of this day.

More on Resilience

Before March slips over into April,

let's reflect a little more on resilience.

Here is a book about resilience.  It is easy to find your life in these pages even though it is about Clarissa's uncle who, after being wounded and broken in spirit by war, returns  to life through planting trees and gardening.  In this lovely  book, The Faithful Gardener, Clarissa Pinkola Estes says,

"Something is waiting

for you to make ground for it
so that it can make  

its full presence known." 

She calls her story: a wise tale about that which can never die.  I cannot speak for you (and I know that our stories and our scars are uniquely our own) yet I have experienced a hope and a resilience in myself that seems immortal.  

During the rest of this Lenten season perhaps we could take some time to ponder and pray about what gift we have that is waiting to make its full presence known.  How do we need to prepare the soil of our hearts so that a new presence can be born in our lives?  What do you need to make ground for?   You've heard of 'breaking ground'  and ordinarily that means something new is rising.  

Happy Ground Breaking!

Resilience

Resilience is part of our name.  It is the word I am trying to celebrate during the month of March.  It's been a long hard winter for many of us and for some there is still no sight of Spring.  The ravished land is a marvelous metaphor for what happens in the human spirit.  There are times when what seemed to be blossoming in us comes to a halt and remains frozen, yet beautiful.  How can we trust that the winter of grief in our lives, the deep containers of doubt, the mountains of discouragement can all become teachers for us. Somewhere in the heart of everything is a resilience that wants to lift its face, lift its voice-- and sing its way out of the frozen land of our lives.  AND IT WILL!

YES, IT WILL!  It has its own time.  It will blossom again!  And part of the fertilizer we must bring to it is our belief in it.  The crocus and the shooting-star that you see here are icons of your own resilient spirit. I invite you to own and honor that often invisible face of yourself.  Whether you fully understand this truth or not, you have an amazing rising power in you.  Resilience is your inner guest.

OH!
YOU BEAUTIFUL

RESILIENT

SPIRITED
BUOYANT

STRONG 
AND NOBLE SOUL!

NEVER LOSE SIGHT
OF YOUR
BLOSSOMING POWER.

The difficult music of your life

In case you don’t know the poet, Ted Kooser, I would like to introduce you to him.  He was born in Iowa and now lives in Nebraska.  Go to his official website;  Ted Kooser  If you like poetry you won’t be disappointed.  And if you think you don’t like poetry, you may be pleasantly surprised.  

The poem below is one that I love.  It is from his book, Delights and Shadows.  
Try to see the poem as  you read it. 

A Rainy Morning

A young woman in a wheelchair,

wearing a black nylon poncho spattered with rain,

is pushing herself through the morning.

You have seen how pianists

sometimes bend forward to strike the keys,

then lift their hands, draw back to rest,

then lean again to strike just as the chord fades.

Such is the way this woman

strikes at the wheels, then lifts her long white fingers,

letting them float, then bends again to strike

just as the chair slows, as if into a silence.

So expertly she plays the chords

of this difficult music she has mastered,

her wet face beautiful in its concentration,

while the wind turns the pages of rain.

—Ted Kooser

One sentence from the poem that lingers with me is this:   “So expertly she plays the chords/ of this difficult music she has mastered.”  The words, “difficult music” linger in my heart.  I am in awe of the courage of so many people (you may be among them) who are daily mastering the “difficult music” of their lives.   I am constantly amazed at the courage portrayed in people's lives.  That same courage is in each of us.  And so, to discover it!

Sometimes just sitting with a poem can be a prayer.  As you sit with this poem,  bring to your mind people you know who are struggling with the “difficult music” of their lives.

Wisdom is knocking at your door

Those of you who have my 2014 calendar will know that WISDOM is the  word I chose for us to focus on for the month of February.  It would, of course, be a wonderful gift for us to be conscious of  at any moment of the day.  Wisdom need not be something we think about only on Pentecost though many of us  will recognize it as one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.  I chose wisdom for February because here in Arkansas it is a time when (especially toward the end of the month)  we are likely to see little faces of green growing things trying to lift their faces out of the frozen earth.

This miracle of life pushing through what looks like death is beautifully metaphoric for our lives.  It is valuable to remember that in our desperate/lonely moments when no teacher is in sight, there is always a teacher within.   Are we able to learn the patience of waiting beside the sorrow?  Waiting with the sorrow?   Can we sit with the death we are experiencing and just listen to the wound?  Life is a wisdom school, yet  there are times when we have to do our grief work before the wisdom shows her face.

Spend some time getting acquainted with your inner teacher.  What pieces of wisdom will you gather during the month of February?  Wisdom is knocking at your door!

Here is a small wisdom poem I wrote many moons ago.

Again and again
the words washed over my soul
bathing me in truth.
-words from Terry Tempest Williams:
"The most radical thing you can do
is to stay where you are."

[..and by those words I do not believe she is asking us not to grow;
or to remain in our sorrow forever; we must take the words deeper.
Eat them.  Taste the wisdom within.  Live with them for a few days.
I think she is referring to our modern day restlessness that takes us
away from the wisdom of NOW]

My restless, wandering spirit
stood beside those words for days.
Ate them for dessert
went to bed with them at night
and rose with the taste of them in my heart.

And what about you?
Where are the words that linger?
                          -Macrina Wiederkehr

What have you discovered in the middle of your living that could serve as a resource for your own wisdom poem?
At the end of the day ask yourself this question:  What pieces of wisdom from this day's journey,  linger?

What's essential?

This week on January 23 St. Scholastica Monastery celebrated the 135th anniversary of our Benedictine community in Arkansas.  The little log cabin below is actually a cake which is a replica of the original log cabin in New Blaine Arkansas which was, at that time, our founding site.  As I look at the cabin I realize that I am looking at history.  I hear echos of the stories of our founding Sisters.   As we enjoyed the cake at our evening meal January 23 I was so aware that when our Sisters entered that cabin they had no cake.  Indeed they had very little, the bare essentials and  not even that. 

I want to hold on to the word, ESSENTIAL, for a little while.  Ever since our Founding Day Celebration I've been praying with that word and trying to discern just what is essential in my life.  In no way am I implying that we should live in destitution yet I do have concerns with how distracted my life can become in regard to the truly important ingredients of each day.  How can I simplify my life in small ways that truly matter each day?   How can I do a slow dance with only the essential?  For indeed, when I make friends with that which is essential I see everything with new eyes.  For example, beauty is essential and it is all around me.  Sometimes when I stop my restless pacing, I see the beauty that I pass by every day because I'm looking for something else, something better, more profound or elaborate....  These musings reminded me of a poetic reflection I  wrote many years ago.  I named it DECORATIONS.

"In our search for the holy, there are times when our restless preparations smother the very truth for which we are searching.  We decorate our rooms and make elaborate preparations for our prayer,      
    when a single flower  ...


......and a moment of waiting 

                                                                                                                                      are all we need to meet the One Who Comes. 

 In our restlessness, our search 

sometimes becomes the only god we every meet. 

My days are all spent

in decorating my house.

I am forever preparing

for your arrival.

I hunger for your presence

yet I take not the time

to wait for your coming

and to my great sorrow

you never arrive.

It is because I refuse

to be silent

that I cannot hear you.

It is because I refuse

to await you

that you cannot come.

It is because I refuse

to be idle

that I cannot enjoy you.

It because I am too busy

hanging decorations

that I cannot welcome you home.

Yet in your deep wisdom

your presence leans toward mine.

You understand my decorations

to be symbols of my hunger

and you know of the day

when my heart swept clean

will be the only decoration needed

and I will listen for you coming

like night awaiting day.

--Macrina Wiederkehr

Seasons of Your Heart, HarperSanFrancisco

And now back to our beginning question: 

What is essential?  

What will you dance with this week?

List a few things/people/experiences 
that are essential
for you to live a happy life.