The angel of creativity

It hasn't been easy- --finding time to return to this blog. I keep breaking my own rules about taking time to pause each day. A few days ago I found a marvelous piece of advice in the book, Leading from Within. It came in the form of a question asked by Ted Falcom: How can I learn to say "No" so that my "Yes" has real meaning? I need to write this question on my forehead.

Of course, if I do say YES when, perhaps, I ought to have said NO, I am then in the position of trying to be faithful to my YES. This has been my stance these days---practicing being faithful to the YES. Yesterday some unknown angel (perhaps the angel of creativity) came to my assistance. In straightening up some piles of "stuff to be filed" an old greeting card slipped out of a magazine. It was a photo of dragonfly resting on some long green stems in a pond. Below the photo was an inspiring quote from the poet, Rabindranath Tagore:

The same stream of life
that runs through the world,
runs through my veins night and day
and dances in rhythmic measure.
It is the same life that shoots in joy
through the dust of the Earth
into the numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of flowers.
~~Tagore

Upon reading these words I experienced a piercing of the heart. Immediately I became aware that it was time for me, once again, to lean into creativity. I need to discern how to facilitate the stream of life pulsing through my veins. Pausing is not an option; it is essential for your health. If you keep the door of your heart unlocked, the angel of creativity will soon or later catch up with you. She will teach you to pause.

Finding Treasures in Old Journals

I am reading my old journals: smiling, weeping, pondering, wondering--tearing them up and throwing them away, saving certain pieces. After all, when you are a writer who lives in community you must be careful. No one lives forever; I could die and some fool might come along and try to publish my journals. I guess I like to be in charge. This morning I came across a quote I had written in my journal from one of my shining lights who died a few years ago, Sister Jose Hobday. This quote is worth sharing. I'm kind of glad she didn't tear it up and throw it away: Here is what she says:

Today only one thing must be accomplished.

I must move through the hours with more quality

and meet people with more love

and diminish my own personal selfishness...

when I go to bed tonite let there be

more light in this world because

I have walked the earth

Let there be more people aware that they are

gift and blessing and goodness.

Let me understand that all there is to life

is what I'm really living with quality.

the rest passes me by unnoticed.

--Sister Jose Hobday

Amen to that dear sister who is now

helping to light up the heavens

with your own vibrant life!

Each road has a voice

The Road

Here is the road: the light

comes and goes then returns

Be gentle with your fellow travelers

as they move through

the world of stone and stars

whirling with you

yet everyone alone.

The road waits

Do not ask questions

but when it invites you

to dance at daybreak

say YES.

Each step is a journey;

a single note the song.

--Arlene Gay Levine

taken from Bless the Day

ed. by June Cotner

I don't know what your road looks like these days but never pass up an invitation to dance at dawn. Don't worry about what your neighbors think. If they are lucky enough to see you, they may even smile. Dawn is difficult for some people; that I know! But if you can give up a bit of your uncertainty about morning, maybe even the untruth that you don't like morning you may be in for a great awakening. And even if you don't like morning, think about the road. Each road has a voice and it's waiting for you.

What Light Can Do

The poet, Lucy Shaw, offers us a little gospel when she says: "Light can make even dirt blossom." I will hang on to her piece of truth as I embrace both the light and darkness of today.

I went outside chasing the light this morning and it was just the medicine I needed to bring me back to my writer's altar. Having been FOUND BY LIGHT I am now making a choice to have a good day. All day, even in my writer-block moments I will try to remember the light, suggesting that if you should get stuck in any sort of negativity today you might consider going out and standing in the light.

I am not the only creature who was found by light today. Pray with the sacramentality of the image below and rejoice in everything and everyone that will be FOUND BY LIGHT today.

A Cave of Quiet

There is no doubt in my mind that I am not called to the life of a hermit but I am looking for a cave of quiet. The little collage above I created for an on-line class that I signed up for in a moment of holy insanity. It depicts my desire to return to the monk and the artist in me. I need only gaze upoon it, to experience a quieting within.

Why it is so difficult to get my deepest desires to hold hands with my distractions is somewhat of an enigma. I suffer from and am blessed with creative distraction, often known as ADHD.

People seem surprised to learn that even with my ADHD nature I am so drawn to the prayer of quiet. "Are you able to sit still when you meditate?" they ask me. My answer to that question is, "Yes, I am able to be very still.!" Once I arrive at my place of prayer I actually feel at home. But you see, my difficulty is not sitting still; my struggle is with what happens "on the way to the cushion." On the way to the cushion can be anguish. Still, I choose to call it creative distraction because in those moments of disruption some very exciting and beautiful things occur. Things that were not on my schedule or my "to do" list suddenly become little miracles of grace. New ideas arrive.

Truly, it is both a suffering and a blessing. For years I beat myself up because there were no stop signs on the way to the cushion and yet I stopped. Now I am trying to be more gentle with the stops along the way because you see my goal is not really getting to the cushion. My goal, if there is such a creature, is being present to all that IS. My desire is to rest in the Holy Mystery and sometimes that happens before I arrive at the cushion. What I want is to be utterly present to every moment. What I want is to be Christ!

It is true that on the days I actually arrive at the cushion I often weep. But I am not sad! When I look at the picture above I weep. But I am not sad. My tears know more than I do. That's why I listen .

There is so much grace in waiting

If possible

open your eyes

without assistance

from an alarm clock.

If possible

smile softly

while getting out of bed.

You have survived the night.

Draw back the curtain

to the yet black night

outside your window.

Stand by the window

and wait for dawn,

then, morning.

There is so much grace

in waiting.

If your eyes are sleepy,

pretend they are two planets

in the galaxy of your being

and they are responsible

for keeping the day lit.

Go forth, kindler of the day

Fill the world with light.

Your mission is sacramental.

-Macrina Wiederkehr

Canticle after Vespers

One evening, after Vespers, about two Augusts, ago I sat on the porch of my hermitage at Hesychia House of Prayer and beheld the evening moving slowly into night. It was a beautiful beholding! No journal or bible in sight, I did Lectio with the Twilight Hour. After I went into my hermitage I sat down and wrote what I remembered. I named it Canticle after Vespers: progressive view from a country porch swing.

Day is done

Three cows in the pond

One cow thinking about going into the pond

Fifteen cows grazing in the green shadowed grass

One cow mournfully mooing

as though our world will never be healed

Three calves joyfully frolicking

as though there is no need for mouning at all

four layers of blue green hills as a back drop

Three humming birds hovering over my head

Two mocking birds sitting on the fence

One glowing sun descending in the west

One August moon rising in the east

Three lazy purple clouds saying their night prayers

Only God knows how many locusts singing from the trees

A sweet summer breeze coming in from the east

One August moon growing larger

One lone firefly looking for a mate

One August moon growing bright as a harvest moon

Three stars coming out to look at the moon

One mooing cow (finally) lying down to rest

A great star family growing in number

The choir of locusts ending their song

Three more fireflies joining the loner

The canopy of night sky remembering the earth

A great silence falling upon me

A small joy spreading through me

A large wish for world peace washing over me

Fifty-five wordless prayers dwelling within me

Day is done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Macrina Wiederkehr, taken from The Circle of Life

[written at Hesychia House of Prayer,

founding site of St. Scholastica Monastery]

This is a wonderful exercise for the soul. Go outside or just sit by a window. Your homework is to spend time beholding. After about a half hour, go away from the sight you were beholding and in poetry form, record what you remember.